I follow the ants around the window frame with my eyes. Watching intently as to where their secret crack leads to their hive. I let one of them go. Then I begin smashing the slow four which was unfortunate. Looking at my index finger, I examine the genocide I committed, it doesn't feel right, they just wanted to live. Two of them were mangled, bodies severed, and legs scrambling. One of them was attempting light triage with their mandibles. The last one, completely motionless, dead. Hopefully, the ride down the kitchen sink was painless.

All the knowledge of the Internet makes you powerful, but what will you do with that power? Will you be a sheep lobbyist for your side of your choosing? Will you stick with your true values What you become is your own doing. Debating ideas is a healthy part of the natural mind. The mind should be stimulated just like the body. Too much of anything will cause harm. There must be a balance. Protect and respect the balance. The Ying and Yang are within, it's a part of the universe. We give ourselves the illusion that we are safe in our blue ball. We are insignificant to the grand scale of the universe.  Primitive beings worry about problems in their minds. These problems only exist in our own minds.  The big picture says I have no problems. I am lucky and well off. There is no reason to be afraid of the future. No reason to dwell on past memories. These thoughts will come and go, like seasons, and cycles. The world still spins and orbits the sun. The universe expands. We will continue on like grains of sand on an endless beach.

Why do I want to join the military? It stands for everything I dislike. I've always had the desire but lacked the courage. In my early 20's I wanted to be a SERE trainer. I had a huge ego, I thought it would be so cool training higher ranks, and being in control. Late 20's, I changed my mind and was interested in Navy Diver. The Navy recruiter looked at me like I was whack. He also told me he was giving me a new piece of paper and I was going to write I've never done any drugs. Then, he said I might be able to go into Rescue Swimmer if I joined now, the special forces only allowed 27 and younger. I realized he was all full of shit. Now, early 30's, and having an unknown force luring me back. 

I fucking hate it. I hate the judgemental bitches. I hate the ego pricks. They will always remain in this world, that is their purpose. They must be just as sad. I wish death on them. Can we rid them from causing more pain to the ones who already suffer? I envision them screaming and pleading while I slowly torment them in the physical realm. The same way they torment me in the mental realm. Fucking die you pieces of shit, so called human beings. No purpose. Am I speaking of myself? The death of my physical body would set me free from this form. We will never be free. We are eternal slaves to this torment and the next. We will remain in the confines of this physical realm until released. I suppose we should make the best of everything we have. What is the best? What we know. So, what if we know nothing? Are we free yet?